The War of the Dental Appliances

     The Conspiracy had finally come to fruition!

     An evil International Consortium had secretly conspired with the Aliens, who had amassed a mighty armada of warships behind their invisible cloaking shields.  But now these behemoths lumbered across the sky like great aircraft carriers.  They moved into position, readying their weapons for the final assault upon the panet Earth.

     Yet little did they know that a hero would soon appear, perhaps the only one who could stop the invaders.  Little did they know that the Conspiracy would be toppled by everyman's Everyman.  Little did they know that the pudgy, aging nerd on the hill would unleash the most lethal weapon ever created.

     A tooth flosser.  The weapon was the pointy end of a plastic tooth flosser, one of those green or white picks that cost one or two dollars a bag at any drug- or discount store.

      The crowd was under surveillance.  But when the opportunity presented itself, I raised my right hand, and balancing the pick between my two fingers, aimed and squeezed.  The blast produced a mere pinpoint of light, which quickly morphed into a mighty missile.  The the lethal drone headed for the closest ship, striking it on the underbelly near one of the engine nacelles, which exploded in a huge fireball.  Now unbalanced, the ship pitched slowly sideways and crashed just outside of town.  We felt the heat from miles away and the ground itself trembled from the impact.

     "Look!" someone shouted.

     I did.  On the horizon were hundreds of similar enemy ships, which were now alerted to my presence.  Yet fear never registered in my heart.  With merely a glance I recruited hundreds of comrades, and with floss picks in hand, we raced headlong to the battle, to deal death to the invading alien Superfortresses in the sky...

     When I told my wife about the dream, she merely shook her head, mumbled something under her breath like Popeye, and went back to whatever she was doing.

     I have no idea what she said, but she's probably right.  Upon further examination, I realized that on a regular basis I have been avoiding something vital.

     Sleep.

     I enjoy my dreams but rarely do I remember them.  When I am sleep deprived and tired, I sink quickly into the depths without having any memorable dreams.  It is only when I am well rested do I sleep properly and wake up naturally instead of by alarm clock.  On these rare occasions I slowly ascend toward consciousness and linger in that realm wherein - according to the scientists - memorable dreams occur.  As much as I enjoy these flights of fancy, I simply do not allow myself the luxury of embarking. 

     Why is it so hard to make easy choices?  Why is it so hard to simply do the simplest of things?  Perhaps this is why we fail to address more vital areas, like taking care of our health, planning for the future, eliminating debt, etc.  I admit that some people's lives are hard.  Victims of war, abuse and crime may not have as many choices; however, I contend that every one can do something that can make their lives easier.

      The warships are approaching, but they are not the armed airships inspired by one too many Science Fiction or Steam Punk novels or movies.  They are the Warships of Life.  Mine is the war for more sleep and better time management.  Yours may be in other areas.  Regardless of your enemy, today is the first and greatest battle in this epic struggle.  Will you join me?

     Raise your arm.  Steady your flossers!  Fire!

The Blessing of Incovenience

   This morning I saw a young lady crossing the street.

     Apparently she had just visited a gas station.   She was wearing flip flops and that style which I hope will one day fade away:  Pajamas.  The flip flops were common - after all, this is Florida - although I would not recommend wearing them when one is jaywalking down Apalachee Parkway (think of a wide street with a raised divider in your own city).  As for the pajamas...it's a personal choice, even though I don't let my kids walk out the house in them.

     Yet the most fascinating thing about her was the content of her nearly see-through plastic bag:  A two liter coke, some potato chips and other snacks.  The bag was from the gas station, but right next door is a Walmart SuperCenter.  Assuming that she had bought the overpriced items at the gas station, why would she overlook Walmart?  The reasons may range from customer service to proximity; yet the one that sticks in my mind is convenience. 

     How often does convenience drive our choices? 

     How often will we pay more for a commodity, when generics and even name brands (at a better price) are available nearby?

     How often will we reach for cheap and easy fast food, when we can (and need to) eat something better and healthier at home?

     How often will we spend a dollar, when saving it makes more sense?

     How often will we tolerate toxic behavior from toxic people, all in the name of  love (which incidentally shares the same first letter as laziness)?

     Do I need to mention exercise?

     How often will we take the path of least resistance, when we need the challenge of the road less taken?

     Inconvenience is a pain in the neck, but sometimes it might be the first step to becoming a better person.

     Always B Positive!

    




    

1600 Calories...

     "Hey Thomas, come join us!  It's only 400 miles, through the mountains of Texas!"

     "No thank you.  Maybe another time" I replied.

     "Hey Tom, I once traveled from New York to Florida.  Then I crossed the Everglades and even slept at the edge of a swamp, near the Indian Reservation.  I'd love to do another trip down there.  Would you like to join me?"

     "Nope..." I said.

     "Hey Thomas, I glad I found you.  We're putting together a round the world tour.  First we'll travel across the USA.  Fly to China.  Cross through lower mongolia, then across the former Soviet Republics, all those --Istans, then make our way through Europe, then fly back to the USA.  We'll be in a group of 20.  Want to join us?"

     "I'll pass..."

     Each of these were snippets of actual conversations I have had with fellow bike riders, each one fit and trim, each one healthy and each one begging me to join them in their collective mania.  I ride, but usually for one of three reasons:  First, because I work so close to home; second, to accompany my kids; and third, whenever I let my testosterone fool me into thinking that I actually know something about cars ("Thomas, just take it to the shop!" my wife has been known to say).

     Tonight I received a kick in the side from another source.  A fellow church member - who is the same size as he was in high school - greatly encouraged me.  He works in the medical profession and bikes daily.   He pointed out that we burn 1600 calories a day just by doing nothing.  So when combined with a modified diet, the prospect of biking to work is intriguing.  There are few hills and the bike lanes and sidewalks are wide and safe.  We also have showers at my job.

     When all of our excuses have been defused, what do we do next?

     Always B Positive!