The Conspiracy had finally come to fruition!
An evil International Consortium had secretly conspired with the Aliens, who had amassed a mighty armada of warships behind their invisible cloaking shields. But now these behemoths lumbered across the sky like great aircraft carriers. They moved into position, readying their weapons for the final assault upon the panet Earth.
Yet little did they know that a hero would soon appear, perhaps the only one who could stop the invaders. Little did they know that the Conspiracy would be toppled by everyman's Everyman. Little did they know that the pudgy, aging nerd on the hill would unleash the most lethal weapon ever created.
A tooth flosser. The weapon was the pointy end of a plastic tooth flosser, one of those green or white picks that cost one or two dollars a bag at any drug- or discount store.
The crowd was under surveillance. But when the opportunity presented itself, I raised my right hand, and balancing the pick between my two fingers, aimed and squeezed. The blast produced a mere pinpoint of light, which quickly morphed into a mighty missile. The the lethal drone headed for the closest ship, striking it on the underbelly near one of the engine nacelles, which exploded in a huge fireball. Now unbalanced, the ship pitched slowly sideways and crashed just outside of town. We felt the heat from miles away and the ground itself trembled from the impact.
"Look!" someone shouted.
I did. On the horizon were hundreds of similar enemy ships, which were now alerted to my presence. Yet fear never registered in my heart. With merely a glance I recruited hundreds of comrades, and with floss picks in hand, we raced headlong to the battle, to deal death to the invading alien Superfortresses in the sky...
When I told my wife about the dream, she merely shook her head, mumbled something under her breath like Popeye, and went back to whatever she was doing.
I have no idea what she said, but she's probably right. Upon further examination, I realized that on a regular basis I have been avoiding something vital.
Sleep.
I enjoy my dreams but rarely do I remember them. When I am sleep deprived and tired, I sink quickly into the depths without having any memorable dreams. It is only when I am well rested do I sleep properly and wake up naturally instead of by alarm clock. On these rare occasions I slowly ascend toward consciousness and linger in that realm wherein - according to the scientists - memorable dreams occur. As much as I enjoy these flights of fancy, I simply do not allow myself the luxury of embarking.
Why is it so hard to make easy choices? Why is it so hard to simply do the simplest of things? Perhaps this is why we fail to address more vital areas, like taking care of our health, planning for the future, eliminating debt, etc. I admit that some people's lives are hard. Victims of war, abuse and crime may not have as many choices; however, I contend that every one can do something that can make their lives easier.
The warships are approaching, but they are not the armed airships inspired by one too many Science Fiction or Steam Punk novels or movies. They are the Warships of Life. Mine is the war for more sleep and better time management. Yours may be in other areas. Regardless of your enemy, today is the first and greatest battle in this epic struggle. Will you join me?
Raise your arm. Steady your flossers! Fire!
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